So the same problem. Dude complains about his relanshioship with a girl friend (actually ex-girlfriend) and recieves a GREAT answer by apolo29. If we had "gentleman's necessary bag" on English I would advise to put this answer there.
Pickup forum
Brother, I'm going to take the time to respond to this post because I've battled a lesser version of this crap for a long time with my own girlfriend.
When I first started my relatoinship with her within a few months I had been chodified and I saw that giving her what she "wanted", what she requested, was making her more distant. I looked at myself and realized the obvious problem: I wasn't being the boss who she ended up with in the first place.
I think if you look at what you've written the problems in your relationship are extremely clear, the source of her behavior is extremely clear and her state of mind is as well. If she is not cheating on you, she is at least looking elsewhere.
You have committed all the cardinal sins of being in a relationship, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, all the cardinal sins of being a MAN (or person) owning their life.
The main problem is this: Your life revolves around her.
You care about whether she's attracted to you.
You care about whether she's attracted to other guys.
You spend all your time thinking about the state of your relationship.
You give up your dreams and goals for her and your relationship.
You let everything else in your life go to shit because of being with her.
It sounds a little fucked right? "You care about whether she's attracted to you"
Shouldn't you? I mean, she's your girlfriend right?
When you're at the highest paradigm, no, you shouldn't give a single fuck. Because the man that has his OWN life, that is doing his OWN shit, that knows he is valuable and a BOSS, he doesnt have time to worry about her.
If she feels attracted to some other guy and then leaves you for him, her loss. Who gives a fuck? So many more opportunities now to go out, to get shit DONE,to get into that GANGSTER fucking mode.
God I love that gangster mode. Even being in an open relationship like I am, I still have to dedicate that one or two days a week to my girl, and I lover her and I want to spend time with her, but those one or two days are days I can't go pimp it and destroy my soul like a boss.
You have nothing to fear.
Have you watched pimp? have you heard julien's 4 pillars of sex worthiness?
Purposeful
controlled
flowing
self amused.
That's all you need. BE THAT GUY. Purposeful means HAVE GOALS AND A VISION FOR WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND HAVE THAT VISION BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE. Controlled means KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU VALUE, AND DON"T LET ANYONE FUCK WITH YOU AND YOUR CONFIDENCE (internally). Flowing means RELAXED, at EASE.. The it's all good mentality. And self amused= internally validated = you get fulfillment from you living up to your vision and not her reactions.
Applying this to a relationship then, it simply means.. don't let the girl become the center of your life. Have a vision that is more important than her and say NO to her for that vision. Know who you are and what you value and don't change that for her. Do you value being a little bitch? No, so why are you being that way because she's distant? Let her be distant. Relaxed. At ease. Are you being relaxed while you put your panties up in a bunch over her state of mind?? Are you self amused? Do you not depend on her validation??
it's all right in front of you. If you could fix this mentality the rest would be cake.
Functional tips to get you started because the inside takes a while to fix:
1. Stop crying to her about other guys and your insecurity. Keep that shit to yourself while you work on it.
2. Stop pulling when she's pulling away. She pulls away, let her. Let her come back to you. In the meantime work on yourself.
3. When she asks you for something that seems unreasonable or conflicts with something you want, say no, assert yourself.
4. Generally assert yourself.
5. Dont respond to her texts sometimes, preferably because you're actually busy.
6. If she gives you attitude or nags at you, withdraw your attention and do something else.
If you don't have the game background to be able to frame control in these situations and generally assert your reality on her it's probably best for you to move on. If not, view this as a gladiator challenge to flip this around, like I did
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